


There's something about us I got to do, some kind of secret I will share with you

by Maredwill



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Confessions, Dream Eater Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Getting Together, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, why are they pining so hard when they both love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 19:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maredwill/pseuds/Maredwill
Summary: Sora is back from Shibuya, but things still don't feel quite right between him and Riku. The truth is, they both have a big confession to make.Mainly me writing out my need for Sora and Riku to really talk about the events of KH1, and also indulging my love for Riku having the dream eater mark on his back permanently.Title from Something About Us by Daft Punk. RIP
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 70





	There's something about us I got to do, some kind of secret I will share with you

Sora watched Riku running across the beach, sunlight glinting off his hair as Kairi and Ven gave chase, yelling something incomprehensible at him, all three laughing freely. 

"It's nice to see." 

Sora was pulled away from the sight by Namine’s comment. "Huh?"

Namine wasn't looking at him, focused instead on placing the shells on the sandcastle she was working on. Sora didn't have the patience for building sandcastles but he liked to decorate them, so when Namine asked for his help Sora promised to help with this step. 

She looked up. "Riku. It's nice to see him happy for a change."

"Oh," Sora mumbled, looking down and feeling himself flush. He had been back for a few weeks now but he still wasn't used to this, his friends stopping what they were doing to look at him with soft eyes and going on about how much they missed him and how glad they were that he was back. He appreciated it, he knew they meant well, but it always made him feel guilty for causing such a big mess in the first place. 

"We tried to get him to come here when you were gone, but he never agreed after that first celebratory party we had. It's a relief to see you both here like old times." 

Sora looked up again but Namine's gaze was still directed at the castle. They were kneeling in the border between the dry and wet sand, Sora's knees prickling from how long he'd been kneeling on them, shoulders warm from being out all day in the direct island sun. He rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Yeah," he said awkwardly. "It's good to be back." 

He picked up another shell and pressed it into its spot, completing the smile of the smiley face he was making. Namine's comment about things being like old times kept turning over in his head. It couldn't be further from the truth. Or, maybe it was too close to the truth. 

When Sora was in Shibuya he had a lot of time to miss people, and there was no one he missed more than Riku. Whenever he would have a moment to think, he would think about them hanging out the way they used to; effortlessly, laughing and running and fighting with ease, talking to each other about everything and nothing. The more he missed it, the more he realized it had been a long time since they were like that. Longer than his time missing, their friendship hadn't been that easy since before the islands fell, and as much as they tried to pretend, it hadn't been the same since. 

The changes were subtle, so subtle Sora was sure no one else around them noticed, but he could _feel_ it. Before, whenever they were together, it felt like slotting into place, two halves of a whole connecting. He told Riku everything, and he thought Riku felt the same. Now, whenever they were together it felt like they were standing on separate sides of a canyon, and no matter how hard Sora tried he couldn't get across, because Riku didn't want him to get across. Sora could feel the weight of _something_ pushing him away, but he didn't know what it was. A barrier steadily in place even when they were teasing each other or competing like they always did.

It was a far cry from the Riku who had found him in Shibuya, pulling Sora into his arms and trembling as he tried to keep the tears from leaking out. The one who had cupped Sora's face and brushed his thumbs across Sora's cheeks and made his heart skip so many beats it hurt. The one that made him feel safe, feel at home, for the first time in a year. 

"I'll leave you to it," he said, suddenly not wanting to be near Namine and her knowing stare.

"Sure, thanks for you help," she said easily, shooting him a quick smile as he walked away.

He walked toward the other end of the beach, waving it off when someone called his name, until he reached the door that led to the back of the play island. He slipped through, relieved when it seemed to be empty. He walked to the edge of the islet, sitting down and letting his feet swing. 

It was selfish, but if he had known he and Riku would go back to this imposter version of their friendship he would have spent longer in Shibuya, taken the time to talk to his friend while he had the chance. 

He wasn't even sure which version of their friendship was the wrong version. The one that felt right, the one Sora wanted back so badly seemed so far away, a friendship from another life. The one they had now felt so wrong, but was so familiar at this point. 

Sora remembered that day Kairi had told him Riku was changing. He had noticed it back then too but he denied it, not knowing how to deal with the idea that his best friend was pulling away from him, but even back then something was off between them and it still was after all this time. He wasn't worried about Riku succumbing to the darkness or literally running from him again, but Riku was still hiding. 

He heard the door creak open behind him and the soft tap of bare feet against the rocky surface. Soon, Riku took a seat beside him. 

"You're not usually one to hide away from people." 

Sora glanced over at him but Riku was looking out at the ocean. He couldn't help but notice how far away Riku was sitting and he ached to move closer, until they were so close their arms and legs would brush every time they shifted. They used to sit like that all the time; kneeling in the surf looking for crabs, lying on their backs looking at stars, underneath a blanket fort with Kairi, the three of them huddled together while Sora told a scary story. He didn't know when they started sitting so far apart. He wanted their old friendship back, but he also wanted so much more.

He shrugged. "It's my party, as they say." 

"Hey it's _our_ party," Riku joked, finally looking at him with a tender expression that pulled Sora toward him like a magnet. He thought about how in the past he never would have ignored the urge to be closer to Riku so he followed it now, shuffling closer on the islet. 

He was thankful when Riku didn't react. Sometimes things between them almost felt normal, all their reactions familiar and nothing unsaid between them, Sora almost making it to the other side, and then there would be a shift and they'd be back on opposite ends. 

Sora hummed, tilting his head and touching his chin for effect. "I don't know...you were only gone what, two weeks? I'm the one they miss," he joked, shooting Riku a teasing grin. 

He expected a smart reply, but Riku only looked at him again with that same tender grin. "Yeah, we all missed you." 

Riku's tone dipped and with it the air pressure around them, making Sora feel like maybe, if he reached out now, he could make it. 

He shuffled even closer, until the side of his hand was lightly pressed against Riku's thigh where it was trapped between them. "I missed you too," he said, responding to Riku's intended meaning. "The whole time I was there I couldn't wait to see you again." 

Sora poured as much sincerity into the comment as he could, and for a split second Riku's face changed and it felt like standing together in a dark street, once again at the end of the world with only each other. As soon as the feeling was there it was gone, and Riku looked away and his leg moved the slightest bit, breaking contact with Sora's hand. 

He felt like latching onto Riku and begging him to come back, but didn’t know what to say. That was why he couldn't talk about what was bothering him. It sounded so ridiculous said out loud, so surface level. Where would Riku come back to? He was right there. Riku was right next to him but felt so far away. 

"Do you ever think about when we were kids?" Sora says out of nowhere, moving his hand to rest it behind him and lean back. 

Riku huffs softly, eyes once again back on the sea. "Yeah. We weren't prepared for any of this." 

"You've changed a lot," Sora says as a cover for what he really wants to say. We've changed. 

"In some ways," Riku admits readily, green eyes sliding over to Sora before darting away, "in others not so much." 

He wanted to ask in what ways, but somehow knew he wouldn't get an answer. 

"Why don't you take your shirt off anymore?"

He laughed at the way Riku jerked in surprise and looked at him, eyes wide with confusion. "What?"

He tugged at the edge Riku's blue shirtsleeve. "You kept this on all day, even when swimming. You did that the last time we were here too...well, the last time I was here. But you never used to do that."

Riku's face flushed and he looked away, rubbing at the back of his neck, Sora's hand sliding away with the movement. He didn't know if that was on purpose or not. 

Riku shifted again and mimicked Sora's pose, one hand behind him while the other waved in the air. "I don't like people seeing the mark."

"The mark?" It took Sora a moment to understand. "Oh, the dream eater mark? You still have that?” He said in surprise. “I thought Yen Sid said it would go away."

"He said it _might_ go away," Riku explained. "It never did, it just kind of faded."

"Oh..." Sora trailed off, looking at Riku's back even though he couldn't see anything through his shirt. He couldn't believe Riku had been walking around with it this whole time. "Are you embarrassed of it? I don’t think anyone would say anything.”

Riku shook his head, hair falling into his eyes and shielding him in a way that annoyed Sora. "It's not that I just...I just don't like it."

Even this Riku wasn't willing to talk to him about. With anyone else, Sora would say they were entitled to their privacy, didn't have to tell him anything they didn't want to, but that didn't count for them, it wasn't the way it was supposed to be. They never used to have secrets from each other. Whenever someone told him something in confidence, Sora would promise not to tell anyone else knowing that wouldn't apply to Riku. Any secrets they had were meant to be shared between them, not standing between them. 

He still felt that way. He had so much he wanted to tell Riku, had a whole year to think about it but...he didn't know how to be open with Riku when Riku wouldn't be open with him. 

"Can I see it?" Sora asked softly, holding his breath when Riku tensed. The question suddenly seemed monumentally important. He had seen it in the past, and maybe if he was allowed to see it now, even when no one else could, maybe they weren't so far gone.

He waited, the air in his lungs begging to break free. It reminded him of another time when he held his breath, Riku backlit by the night sky, looking at Sora with the most amorous expression he had ever seen, leaning forward slightly and Sora thinking he was going to-

"Yeah."

Sora pulled his legs in and scooted back so he was behind Riku. He crossed his legs as Riku pulled his arms inside his sleeves, hands moving down to grasp the edge of his shirt. He paused and shot a glance at the door behind them. 

"We'll hear if someone is coming," Sora said soothingly, "and everyone was busy when we left."

Riku nodded and faced forward, pulling his shirt up until it was bunched around his shoulders.

Sora let out a little gasp. He had forgotten how big it was, the sigil taking up nearly the entire expanse of Riku's back. The first time it had been darker, almost having a glowing, ethereal quality to it even in the real world. Now that had faded, the color closer to Riku's own skin and giving it the impression of a giant scar. 

Unable to resist he reached out, touching his fingers gently to the very top where the two curves met in the middle. He saw Riku's muscles flex under his hand but kept going, tracing over the outer curve and down, following the second curve over Riku's side and then down and in towards the middle of his back. The bottom of the mark ended at the base of Riku's spine and Sora ran his fingers along it and then brought them back to the top, starting again with the left side.

He couldn't believe it was still there all this time, Sora had almost forgotten about it. He assumed it had faded because Riku never brought it up again. He should have known better.

He repeated the same motions for the inner portions of the mark, hand once again back at Riku's lower back. He brushed his thumb along the bottom point of the mark, just able to make out the slightly leathery sensation that differentiated the marked portion from the rest of his skin. Riku had gotten this, possibly forever, from trying to protect him. He dragged his hand up until it was in the center and pressed his palm there, able to feel every inhale and subtle movement of the muscles beneath it.

"Sora..." Riku croaked out. The low pitch of his voice sent a shiver through Sora.

He pulled his hand away as if he'd been burned, and his face felt as much, flushed with a heat that creeped down his neck. He was glad Riku couldn't see him, but he desperately wished he could see Riku's face. 

"Thanks," he said as he stood up, swallowing when his throat felt too dry. Riku was already pulling his shirt back down.

"Um, I should go back."

Riku nodded, still not looking at him. "Right behind you," he said without making any move to get up.

Sora nodded as well, then spoke when he realized that was useless. "Okay. See you in a bit."

He quickly turned and pushed his way back through the door to the other side, feeling off kilter, as if the ground had shifted beneath his feet.

++++

Riku gasped in a deep breath once Sora was gone, its shaky quality on the way out matching the trembling in his limbs. He forced in another, grabbing his swim trunks to ground himself. He had to fight the urge to wrap himself in several blankets, feeling turned inside out after...whatever that was. 

He didn't think showing Sora the mark would be that big of a deal, especially because he already knew about it. He wasn't ashamed of it the way Sora assumed, on the contrary he was a little proud. He had gotten it by doing the impossible to protect Sora, his heart turning him into whatever he needed to be, even with Xehanort trying to keep them apart. 

No, he didn't feel shame, but it did feel too revealing. He was basically carrying around a giant brand that screamed look at what I did for him. A testament to his love etched onto his skin. Too personal to let anyone see.

He shut his eyes at the memory of Sora's touch. He touched it so casually, this physical embodiment of Riku's love, with no understanding of what it really meant. Every swipe of his fingers felt like being flayed alive, every drag carving the mark anew. Riku's heart had been pounding and he didn't know if he wanted to press into the touch or run away. 

Riku cursed himself. He wasn't supposed to let stuff like this keep happening. When they were in Shibuya it was one thing, because he had missed Sora so, so much and trying to hold back the relief at seeing him safe and alive was impossible. So he indulged himself, being more sincere and clinging to Sora more than he would normally let himself, and it had been a mistake. He let his defenses down and got too caught up in the moment, Sora’s face bathed gold in the streetlamp, looking up at Riku with such adoration, Riku almost leaning down and... and almost kissing Sora.

He almost kissed Sora, almost ruined everything, even though he should have known better, known there was no such thing as "a little" when it came to how he felt about Sora and he never should have let go as much as he had. 

And now, he was struggling to get back to the way things were. He thought some time back in the real world around all their friends would fix it, but it didn't work. Before, he had reached a kind of inner balance, where he could enjoy Sora's company and affections without all of his feelings rising to the surface. Now though, any time Sora would grab his arms, or sit too close, or lean over Riku’s shoulder when he was sitting down, hair sometimes tickling Riku’s cheek and face always too close, his insides would flutter pleasantly. The feeling was enjoyable until it was followed by the fear, reminding him to step back, put space between them, lest they have a repeat of what happened the last time Riku let his defenses down. 

It didn't help that Sora kept stoking the fire, touching him and staring at him and going on about how much Sora had thought about him while gone in a way that made all his emotions ascend to the forefront, feeling like a pot that was going to boil over until Riku yanked them all back down. Every time they were near each other Riku's stupid heart would beat out a refrain of _more more more._ It made him miss the days when he didn't even feel worthy enough to be a friend, when it was easy to feel like he was lucky to be by Sora's side at all, even if it wasn't in the way he wanted. 

He shook his head and opened his eyes, steadying his breathing as he looked out at the ocean. That was what he needed to return to if he didn't want to risk doing something reckless like almost kiss Sora again. He needed to remember his place and stay there. 

++++

Riku paused halfway across the bridge and watched Sora on the paopu tree. The sun was almost completely set, only a few orange streaks left in the dark blue sky, stars already peeking out. 

"You coming?" He called out as he crossed the rest of the way. "Almost everyone's gone. Kairi, Namine and Xion are the last left and they're ready to go."

"I already told Kairi I'm not leaving yet," Sora said softly, not looking at him or elaborating.

Riku walked around to the front of the tree and leaned against it, looking up. He could see now that Sora was holding a paopu fruit in his hands, passing it back and forth mindlessly. 

"Are you alright?" At this angle, he could see the girls getting into the boat, leaving them alone as they started paddling away.

"I guess," Sora muttered. Riku didn't know why he was expecting more when things had been awkward between them since the incident with the mark.

Sora suddenly jumped down from the tree, making Riku tilt his head down instead of up. He held out the paopu between them. 

"Will you share this with me?"

"What?" Riku sputtered, taking a step back. Was this a joke? Sora was still holding the fruit, face serious. He didn't seem to be joking, but why would he ask that? Riku crossed his arms in front of himself protectively, feeling his heart racing beneath his shirt. "What are you doing?"

Sora turned away and leaned against the tree, arm falling to his side and head slumped forward. 

"I don't understand," was all he said, turning the paopu over in his hands like he was looking for a defect. 

"Sora," Riku said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. "What is going on?"

Sora looked up again and Riku felt his breath catch at the depth of sadness on his face. 

"I _know_ there was a time when you would have said yes." He turned back toward the ocean, eyes getting brighter the darker the sky got. "And I know you won't say yes now, but I don't understand why."

Riku's mind reached blindly, trying to make sense of this conversation while still recovering from the shock of Sora asking him to share a paopu. 

"Are things between us never going to go back to normal?" 

Riku's heart started pounding again. Did Sora know? He shook his head. No, he said himself he didn't understand why, but still he could feel that something was wrong, that Riku was acting weird. Guilt roiled inside him.

"I'm sorry," he choked out finally. "I'm...I know things have been a little weird since we came back, but I'm trying. We will be back to normal." He reached a hand out towards Sora's shoulder and it hung in the air between them until he dropped it again. He didn't miss Sora's glance at the aborted motion. 

Sora shook his head. He looked disappointed, and that added a layer of shame to the guilt Riku was building. 

"You don't get it."

"I do-"

"This isn't _recent_ ," Sora said, turning to face him fully and throwing the paopu to the ground. "Things haven't been right between us since before all of this happened, before the islands fell." He reached out and grabbed Riku's wrist, eyes pleading. "Are you really telling me you don't feel it?"

Riku flexed his fingers, wanting to pull his hand away but Sora's grip tightened. Of course he could feel it, he knew he changed the way he acted around Sora, but he didn't realize how much Sora realized, how much it was affecting him. 

"I-I know," Riku stuttered out, finally pulling his arm out of Sora's grasp. His chest clenched at the heart broken look Sora gave him when he did it.

"Do you know why?" Sora asked him softly, eyes wide and hopeful.

Riku opened and closed his mouth without saying anything. Obviously, he knew the reason for the change, but he couldn't tell Sora that.

Once again Sora's head dropped in disappointment. He turned toward the ocean again and wrapped his arms around himself. He looked so small like that and Riku wanted to reach out and hug him, and hated himself when he couldn't. 

"We used to tell each other everything," Sora said out of nowhere. Riku waited for more, sensing he wasn't done. "I was closer to you than anyone else. You knew _everything_ about me. And I thought I knew everything about you too." 

He wasn't wrong. They did used to be that way. Riku could open up to Sora in a way he didn't with anyone else. Until that wasn't an option anymore. 

"But then you started to hide, and after everything that happened with the darkness I thought it was because of that and once everything was taken care of we would go back to the way things were." Sora looked at him again, eyes narrowed with concern and a slight tint of accusation. "But you're still hiding, even now, and I don't get why."

Riku had to look away, he couldn't handle the weight of that stare. It felt like a few hours ago, Sora able to turn him inside out without even trying. 

"Did I do something wrong? Did I upset you or, or, do anything to make you stop trusting me? I know you said you were jealous but I don't understand, jealous of what? What did I _do_? _"_

"Stop," Riku pleaded, not able to listen to Sora blame himself for mistakes that weren't his. "You didn't do anything. None of this is your fault."

"Then what happened?" Sora demanded, grabbing his hand this time. "Please tell me Riku. I need to know. I want to fix this."

They couldn't fix it. Not unless he...he...

Riku sighed, shutting his eyes. He had to do it. Sora wouldn't be able to move on without answers and Riku wasn't ever going to let Sora blame himself. 

+++

Sora stood there, squeezing Riku's hand tighter as every second ticked by and he became more and more fearful that he wasn't going to get an answer.

"Sora," Riku finally said, voice strangely somber and resigned. He opened his eyes and Sora was struck by how surreal they looked at night. 

"I love you."

His heart paused, squeezing tight before resuming its beating at twice the speed. He inhaled, going to say something but Riku pulled his hand away and continued talking before he could. 

"That's why I was jealous," Riku said, expression far away. "I knew you didn't love me back, not in the same way, and I was terrified that you were going to find other people to love more than me when you were the most important person in my life. Still are." Riku ducked his head, hair falling into his face. "That's what I've been hiding."

"Everything," Sora began, voice low, "the islands, Maleficient, all of that was because you loved me?"

Riku nodded, folding in on himself and bringing a hand up to rub at his other arm. 

Sora thought about everything that happened between them, how Riku had almost run from him forever, how he still pulled away when Sora got too close. 

"Riku," Sora said, all his frustration leaking into his voice. "You, you're, you're such a..." he blew out a frustrated breath and gave up on words, putting his hands on Riku's shoulders and pulling him into a kiss.

He pulled too hard, their chins knocking together with the momentum, but it was worth it to feel Riku's lips on his, hear his little squeak of shock, feel his hands rest on Sora's hips automatically. 

Sora pulled back, dropping from where he had pushed onto the balls of his feet, and stared up at Riku who was gaping at him in shock.

"S-sora..."

"I love you too." Sora smiled gently. It felt so good to finally say it after so long. He moved his hands from Riku's shoulders to cup his very red face, thumbs brushing along his cheeks. 

"I missed you so much when I was gone. I didn't want to see anyone else as much as I wanted to see you. That's how I knew. I've been dying to tell you this whole time."

"I almost kissed you," Riku said, voice rough. 

Sora couldn't contain his delighted laugh. "I thought so. I wanted you to." He licked his lips, stomach flipping when Riku's eyes flicked down. "I still want you to.”

Riku's hands tightened on his waist and their eyes locked again. 

"Are you sure?"

Sora laughed again, a soft puff of air this time. "Yeah." He brought their heads together, not once breaking eye contact, trying to get the message across. "You're the most important person in my life too."

Riku laughed, and Sora thought his eyes looked a little more watery than usual but then Riku was leaning in and his own were shutting as their lips touched. 

Sora finally felt whole again. It was him and Riku, the way it was meant to be, giving each other everything. No secrets between them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fin! Let me know what you think.


End file.
